constituents, comrades, and confidants - T.D. Jakes

This clip speaks for itself. It is from one of the greatest teachers in the clergy. Bishop Jakes presents a series on 'constituents, comrades, and confidants'. Throughout our lives we meet three types of people. We never really know where they fall in these categories until we are under attack. You can have people in your lives for years, believing that they are there for you no matter what you are going through, but something happens not of your own doing to show you exactly who these people really are. And you are all the better for it. It does not mean they have no meaning in your life. Sometimes people are in your life for their own purpose (constituents) and when they find someone who helps them get where they are going, they leave you and follow the cause that gets them there faster.

Sometimes you have comrades. Those are the people that you call upon when you go to battle. They, like the constituents are present for the temporary service that you provide. If you are not in battle or not in abundance, you shift back and forth from these two sectors of people. Then there is the confidant. All great leaders have one. Bishop Jakes states that you are blessed to have one, but abundantly blessed if you have three in the course of your life. You need all types of people in your life to learn about life. You simply need to know who is where and what position they play. We have all types of friends.

Most important, confidants are the people you can lay your trust in. They are there for the long-haul. They love you unconditionally. They are the people you tend to take for granted, unfortunately. If they leave you, they have not left you because they stop loving you. They leave because they are searching for the thing they provide for you but cannot find within you. It likely was not a relationship of perceived equality. The scales were drastically unbalanced. As a result, they lost favor in you and departed. If they return into your life make their importance in your life known to them. Say it out loud. Time is precious. And we take things that mean most to us and abuse it, believing it will not go away, but be there always. This is so far from the truth, since we know we lose loved ones to death always. Sometimes it leaves. And it is then, we realize that somethings and people are irreplaceable. We know this, but we gamble on it anyway. We wake up knowing and believing that the sun rises to meet us, and they will too.

True soulmates are believed to be each others confidant. They are there for each other without question.

Some years ago an associate of mine insisted that I look very carefully at the people in my life. I was blessed to hear this advice and blessed for following it. That day changed my life forever. To God, Be the Glory!

reflection...thanks to Whitney~

This week was a challenge. The world has yet to see a greater vocal talent than the late Whitney Houston. I was blessed to view her meteoric rise to fame, as well as her fall, and return to glory. I remember the first time I heard her sing. I also remember rushing out to purchase her first album titled “Whitney Houston”. No other artist has touched me the same. I cannot say that this is an impossible feat. I was so young, and very much in love by the time her second album dropped. “Whitney” as it is titled, was the second project that debuted the year I graduated high school. By the following year, I was in a place of uncertainty. College was my life, but I was not totally buying this post-high school thing. I wanted to be in the military, and this desire was elevated by the constant influx of the disconnect I was feeling with those around me.

“Whitney” is a compilation of music that sings of the joys and pains of love. Throughout my life I have been deemed a fool for love. Even when you give your best, it is not good enough. Today, I am returning to the place where “Whitney” gave me comfort. I am forced to revisit a painful moment and reflect. I am encouraged to know that my life, though not perfect, has been a mix of doing what I wanted as well as what others would have me do. Not everyone that comes into your life is meant to be there but to make an impression. Letting go allows the new to flow.

I have been swarming with emotions over the last few months. This week with the passing of Whitney Houston, I have gained a new perspective. I am trusting that the decisions I made were real and deserve their reward. It is time to accept the past pains, and let go, everything, and all things and people associated with that pain. Time has showed me that I can do all things through Christ, the source of my strength.

People curl up their nose still at Bobby Brown. Whitney chose him. For whatever reason, be it low self-esteem, or loving a man that everyone deemed faulty wiring, or seeking a love that could grant you a ‘ghetto pass’, Whitney made a bad decision. I knew it was bad from the onset. I am sure many advised her against it. Sometimes great decisions are made and we lament, wondering if we did the right thing.

I take from this, a very simple conclusion. We cannot know if the decisions we make in our youth will break us or make us. However, if someone or something is not good for you and appears to do more harm to you than good, let it go. Accept that this person’s part in your life may not be forever. Just because someone has what appears to be glory does not mean that they are happy. People who have money often lose themselves in the world of money and its power to create happiness where it does not exist.

Do we deserve to not have happiness? Not at the expense of others pain! We get what we give. If we do not get the love we expect, consider the love you did not give, not necessarily the one you are giving. Maybe it is time to give love to the people you have taken for granted? In the evolution of life it appears that what we experience in the present is the result of our past. And if this holds true, believing that your life will be fascinating and full of blooms is okay, but know that you have to meet up somewhere in time with the past you stumbled through. It is not meant to bruise you but remind you that your transgressions and your blessings touched people in very interesting ways. Reminisce, make peace, move forward.

I do not think that anyone wanted to remind Whitney that she was a failure, but to hopefully show her how her decisions could have been better if the knowledge was there to do better. And then once you know better, you do better. But sometimes the decisions we make last for a lifetime. Whitney’s voice was never the same after the years of drugs. She loved her voice and wanted to share it with the world. She had fans that loved her and she forgot about us. She followed the way of the ones who criticized her, the ones that really did not matter. She learned the lesson after the experience. We learned the lesson through her experience. It's funny how God sends us teachers but still we do not 'get it' until years later.

Why do we do that? It is not the fans we love to hear from but the critics whose bruises affect us most. We need to change that view. We obsessed too much over those who do not really matter. We waste countless hours lamenting and buying the love and affection from those who are not there for us, but there until we no longer meet their expectations or serve their purpose.

I have been blessed to have met some awesome people in my life. I did not know their worth when I was younger. I spent so much time trying to please people who did not really care about me. But I never used anyone to replace something or someone lost. I set a lot of people free. And I think it was a blessing for them. Shamefully, others do not feel the same. They stump over people, break their spirit, simply because they happened to be there, present, kind, and unfettered.

But this is a new day. Although we all lament and desire to change once we realize that we have an opportunity to have what we lost, sometimes that is not the case. Opportunities do not always present themselves. In life, it is important that we take a little moment to examine ourselves, the life we live, the people who surround us, and the things we value.

It is not a lost cause. Accept that the decisions you made were made for good reason. Nothing or no one is perfect. And do not allow your anger with someone’s response to you to allow you to reject your worth. Take a little time to revisit yourself and validate who you are and what you have to offer. Then, allow yourself to relinquish things from your life that are not good for you. It is not necessary to confront people you think have wronged you. Show them that they can go. The door swings both ways. Sometimes it seems that when we have nothing else to control in our lives, we control the people and the things around us that we can. And those closest in proximity is usually those we love and who loves us.

Some people simply do not deserve the love you give freely.

Wake up calls do come. I recognize the importance of flying solo. I do not mean to vacate people from my life. I am simply showing them the exits and making them aware that they are not obligated to stay. The door is open, but it is open if they choose to walk through it. Closure for good is still an option. After the reunion, if there is one, things are no longer the same. You are changed by the experience. Once you realize that you have regained your power, you do not need to mince words. Sure, you do not need to bludgeon people with your platitudes. However, you can be blunt, honest, and real. You can lovingly tell them, it is not the same, and only time will get you back to a place of comfort. Do you care to invest time it takes to reboot?

Lent is approaching. It is a season of sacrifice and humility. I think it is time to revisit that place of letting go the things that mean no good or keep you from growing. I wish that Whitney had a do over, where drugs did not rob her of her gifts. I think her experience is supposed to teach us. I have learned a lot through her life and her music. And I will take from it many things that will undoubtedly force me to let go of things nonessential and embrace the things that are essential. If someone wants to be there, they will be there and will show you what you mean to them at every turn. Trust and believe in what they reveal. It is painful to see that you are allowing them a chance and they are throwing it all away. But recognize the blessing this is in spite of it all.

You still have value and the right people will see it. Do not waste your time trying to prove yourself to those who may not care one way or another. You are important. You have a purpose. You have gifts to share.

Ernestine Sheperd: BudyBuilder—My Generation

everything happens for a reason

Years ago, I was a working teacher, successful but very afraid that someday it could all come crashing down and asked: "who would be there for me?" Well that test came and went, and from that I learned that my greatest ally was the universe, the spiritual realm, or my angels.

The belief in a supreme being and respecting that we did not create ourselves holds true. With every passing day, I offered prayer and sacrifice. I prayed for protection and guidance, and offered obedience. The three things I presented to the universe are still holding true.

Today, I live on significantly less and fear is no longer abound. I feel more protected than ever before. I still do not know what I am supposed to do with the life and the gifts that came with it. Instead of conforming to what I think is right and planning accordingly, I acknowledge that I am void. I ask for protection and guidance, while offering my obedience.

There are many things I want to do. There are people that I want in my life. However, the universe is not allowing anything that goes beyond 'protection and guidance'. I am not imposing my will. I am not praying people or things into and out of my life. I am accepting that which is, and allowing it to bless me abundantly.

During that time of lack, I felt that no one was for me and everyone was against me. It was a reality that held true. I believed that there would be no one and God showed me that. That does not mean that I am not grateful to those who presented themselves as angels. However, when you work for self and you are not motivated for the purpose of doing good, but acting for a return, it is revealed as it is.

We give with the expectation that it will return in prize. I have offered my friendship to people who rejected me simply for the reason that they were not happy with themselves. But friends come and go. Some you think you have, you do not have. Some that you think have departed you are still there in the back space.

I am speaking of this to say essentially, that we must allow whatever is to happen to happen without our interference. Everything happens for a reason. Sure we must ask, then put energy into it. Asking for something that is not purposeful for usage may arrive, but it may not arrive as you wanted it. Does that mean I should not ask for a very specific item? No. I ask for it, but in the will of "protection and guidance". That means, I am asking for the item that I need and not that item I may want. And in return, I will accept that which comes or goes without complaint, which are acts of obedience.

Feb. 2...Day 1

It's going great so far. I have no complaints. As usual, the first day of a new work out takes a little longer than scheduled. You have to mentally adapt to the new movements from one station to the next. Then you have test your muscles ability to lift at a specific exercise. You don't want to lift too heavy, but you want to make sure you get a burn.

Tomorrow, is Day 2, lower body, per the schedule. Let's get it in!