reflection...thanks to Whitney~

This week was a challenge. The world has yet to see a greater vocal talent than the late Whitney Houston. I was blessed to view her meteoric rise to fame, as well as her fall, and return to glory. I remember the first time I heard her sing. I also remember rushing out to purchase her first album titled “Whitney Houston”. No other artist has touched me the same. I cannot say that this is an impossible feat. I was so young, and very much in love by the time her second album dropped. “Whitney” as it is titled, was the second project that debuted the year I graduated high school. By the following year, I was in a place of uncertainty. College was my life, but I was not totally buying this post-high school thing. I wanted to be in the military, and this desire was elevated by the constant influx of the disconnect I was feeling with those around me.

“Whitney” is a compilation of music that sings of the joys and pains of love. Throughout my life I have been deemed a fool for love. Even when you give your best, it is not good enough. Today, I am returning to the place where “Whitney” gave me comfort. I am forced to revisit a painful moment and reflect. I am encouraged to know that my life, though not perfect, has been a mix of doing what I wanted as well as what others would have me do. Not everyone that comes into your life is meant to be there but to make an impression. Letting go allows the new to flow.

I have been swarming with emotions over the last few months. This week with the passing of Whitney Houston, I have gained a new perspective. I am trusting that the decisions I made were real and deserve their reward. It is time to accept the past pains, and let go, everything, and all things and people associated with that pain. Time has showed me that I can do all things through Christ, the source of my strength.

People curl up their nose still at Bobby Brown. Whitney chose him. For whatever reason, be it low self-esteem, or loving a man that everyone deemed faulty wiring, or seeking a love that could grant you a ‘ghetto pass’, Whitney made a bad decision. I knew it was bad from the onset. I am sure many advised her against it. Sometimes great decisions are made and we lament, wondering if we did the right thing.

I take from this, a very simple conclusion. We cannot know if the decisions we make in our youth will break us or make us. However, if someone or something is not good for you and appears to do more harm to you than good, let it go. Accept that this person’s part in your life may not be forever. Just because someone has what appears to be glory does not mean that they are happy. People who have money often lose themselves in the world of money and its power to create happiness where it does not exist.

Do we deserve to not have happiness? Not at the expense of others pain! We get what we give. If we do not get the love we expect, consider the love you did not give, not necessarily the one you are giving. Maybe it is time to give love to the people you have taken for granted? In the evolution of life it appears that what we experience in the present is the result of our past. And if this holds true, believing that your life will be fascinating and full of blooms is okay, but know that you have to meet up somewhere in time with the past you stumbled through. It is not meant to bruise you but remind you that your transgressions and your blessings touched people in very interesting ways. Reminisce, make peace, move forward.

I do not think that anyone wanted to remind Whitney that she was a failure, but to hopefully show her how her decisions could have been better if the knowledge was there to do better. And then once you know better, you do better. But sometimes the decisions we make last for a lifetime. Whitney’s voice was never the same after the years of drugs. She loved her voice and wanted to share it with the world. She had fans that loved her and she forgot about us. She followed the way of the ones who criticized her, the ones that really did not matter. She learned the lesson after the experience. We learned the lesson through her experience. It's funny how God sends us teachers but still we do not 'get it' until years later.

Why do we do that? It is not the fans we love to hear from but the critics whose bruises affect us most. We need to change that view. We obsessed too much over those who do not really matter. We waste countless hours lamenting and buying the love and affection from those who are not there for us, but there until we no longer meet their expectations or serve their purpose.

I have been blessed to have met some awesome people in my life. I did not know their worth when I was younger. I spent so much time trying to please people who did not really care about me. But I never used anyone to replace something or someone lost. I set a lot of people free. And I think it was a blessing for them. Shamefully, others do not feel the same. They stump over people, break their spirit, simply because they happened to be there, present, kind, and unfettered.

But this is a new day. Although we all lament and desire to change once we realize that we have an opportunity to have what we lost, sometimes that is not the case. Opportunities do not always present themselves. In life, it is important that we take a little moment to examine ourselves, the life we live, the people who surround us, and the things we value.

It is not a lost cause. Accept that the decisions you made were made for good reason. Nothing or no one is perfect. And do not allow your anger with someone’s response to you to allow you to reject your worth. Take a little time to revisit yourself and validate who you are and what you have to offer. Then, allow yourself to relinquish things from your life that are not good for you. It is not necessary to confront people you think have wronged you. Show them that they can go. The door swings both ways. Sometimes it seems that when we have nothing else to control in our lives, we control the people and the things around us that we can. And those closest in proximity is usually those we love and who loves us.

Some people simply do not deserve the love you give freely.

Wake up calls do come. I recognize the importance of flying solo. I do not mean to vacate people from my life. I am simply showing them the exits and making them aware that they are not obligated to stay. The door is open, but it is open if they choose to walk through it. Closure for good is still an option. After the reunion, if there is one, things are no longer the same. You are changed by the experience. Once you realize that you have regained your power, you do not need to mince words. Sure, you do not need to bludgeon people with your platitudes. However, you can be blunt, honest, and real. You can lovingly tell them, it is not the same, and only time will get you back to a place of comfort. Do you care to invest time it takes to reboot?

Lent is approaching. It is a season of sacrifice and humility. I think it is time to revisit that place of letting go the things that mean no good or keep you from growing. I wish that Whitney had a do over, where drugs did not rob her of her gifts. I think her experience is supposed to teach us. I have learned a lot through her life and her music. And I will take from it many things that will undoubtedly force me to let go of things nonessential and embrace the things that are essential. If someone wants to be there, they will be there and will show you what you mean to them at every turn. Trust and believe in what they reveal. It is painful to see that you are allowing them a chance and they are throwing it all away. But recognize the blessing this is in spite of it all.

You still have value and the right people will see it. Do not waste your time trying to prove yourself to those who may not care one way or another. You are important. You have a purpose. You have gifts to share.