Oftentimes we are hurt by the actions of others. The pain of the disappointment bores a hole deep within our hearts. It is only the people who we love and trust with our hearts who impose the biggest disappointment. The opinions and actions of those insignificant rarely matter. It's not always the other person's fault, even though often the pain appears to have been done with intent. Either way, until you allow yourself to confront the issue, peace will never be allowed to reside over the situation.
Death is the end. When it comes there is very little chance that you can move beyond the tragedy of the past disappointments. Closure in that realm is permanent. As long as someone is alive, you are allowed to gain a better understanding of the wrongs you think have been inflicted upon you. It may never gain you the full apology you think you are warranted. But it should grant you permission, to move forward. It's not about the other person, it's about you. It's the closure you seek.
Recently I had a very self-actualizing moment with a past friend who I felt had wronged me. I spent eight years hiding and purposefully removing myself from any and all elements that would find me reconnecting with that person. It wasn't until my mother passed away that I realized and remembered that death is permanent. Any thing you do in life, the pains you cause or the wrongs you've done, have a chance to be righted. And so I recalled a conversation that my mother had with me, and discovered that I owed this person the opportunity to pay his respects. I didn't know if it would mean anything to the person, if they'd long since forgotten about my mother, but it seemed like the right thing to do.
I never intended on having a regression. Everything happens for a reason. Without fail, the latch flew off the shed, the door swung open, and inside lay the past. The purging began. It was painful to speak about, and it was painful I'm sure to hear. But it all needed to be said. Time waits for no one. We think we have tomorrow, but it has never been promised. The point is to finish everything today as if it is our last. Closure. That is what I needed.
By the end of the conversation, forgiveness was remembered. It was a reminder that it was possible again. Everyone believes that they are better at being a human than the next. It's only when we self-actualize that we understand that others are as easily flawed as we are. Pedestal's aren't the place for humans. Allow people the freedom to move around up there, else, they are doomed to fall. No matter how much of a perfectionist we are, we aren't perfect. We are subject to human frailty.
Peace again resides, so that growth can take place. We don't know what the future holds. But I can promise you that it doesn't hold much for us. And that's okay. The point here is that closure was gained. The past was remembered, verified, cleansed, understood, and then shelved. People are hurt by the past and they don't want to remember it. Thus, they lock it away and pretend it doesn't exist anymore, until a trigger happens. Some emotional event causes the pain to surge to the forefront and we are forced to recognize it.
It's there to torture us because we didn't make peace with certain things. We washed over them, tucked them away for the greater good. We didn't want to rock any boats, upset people, make folks feel ashamed. So we shelved them, hid them, and put a security lock on its door. But the trigger blew the door off it's hinges.
See, when we open the door we approach the pain and the tragedy with empathy, grace, and the desire to make it right. But when the door is forced open, it's like a rape, a violation, a trespassing on the past. Regressions matter. They are healing. They hurt. But they heal. Time is in short supply so we hope to get to the root cause before the last sand falls. There will be tears. There will be sickness. There will be what appears to be pain. But it's called the hurt when your healing.
Ever recognize that a few days after you've cut your skin that it hurts worse than the day you first cut it? It's very similar to the hurt you feel when your soul is healing from pain. This is the growth you want. You've earned it, so claim it. Not everyone wants an understanding. They are content to leaving everything exactly where it is, fearing a single word or phrase may upset the fold.
Growth only comes when healing takes place. You've freed yourself. It's not that you did this in order to grant this person permission back into your life, as if the entire regression process was a toll they had to pay to gain reentry. No! This was for you. Not them. They still may very well be unfounded in blame. It's for you. You, who have given up the belief that the past could have been any different. Forgiveness frees you, grants you peace, so that you can grow beyond the circumstance.
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