forgiveness, peace, growth

Oftentimes we are hurt by the actions of others. The pain of the disappointment bores a hole deep within our hearts. It is only the people who we love and trust with our hearts who impose the biggest disappointment. The opinions and actions of those insignificant rarely matter. It's not always the other person's fault, even though often the pain appears to have been done with intent. Either way, until you allow yourself to confront the issue, peace will never be allowed to reside over the situation.

Death is the end. When it comes there is very little chance that you can move beyond the tragedy of the past disappointments. Closure in that realm is permanent. As long as someone is alive, you are allowed to gain a better understanding of the wrongs you think have been inflicted upon you. It may never gain you the full apology you think you are warranted. But it should grant you permission, to move forward. It's not about the other person, it's about you. It's the closure you seek.

Recently I had a very self-actualizing moment with a past friend who I felt had wronged me. I spent eight years hiding and purposefully removing myself from any and all elements that would find me reconnecting with that person. It wasn't until my mother passed away that I realized and remembered that death is permanent. Any thing you do in life, the pains you cause or the wrongs you've done, have a chance to be righted. And so I recalled a conversation that my mother had with me, and discovered that I owed this person the opportunity to pay his respects. I didn't know if it would mean anything to the person, if they'd long since forgotten about my mother, but it seemed like the right thing to do.

I never intended on having a regression. Everything happens for a reason. Without fail, the latch flew off the shed, the door swung open, and inside lay the past. The purging began. It was painful to speak about, and it was painful I'm sure to hear. But it all needed to be said. Time waits for no one. We think we have tomorrow, but it has never been promised. The point is to finish everything today as if it is our last. Closure. That is what I needed.

By the end of the conversation, forgiveness was remembered. It was a reminder that it was possible again. Everyone believes that they are better at being a human than the next. It's only when we self-actualize that we understand that others are as easily flawed as we are. Pedestal's aren't the place for humans. Allow people the freedom to move around up there, else, they are doomed to fall. No matter how much of a perfectionist we are, we aren't perfect. We are subject to human frailty.

Peace again resides, so that growth can take place. We don't know what the future holds. But I can promise you that it doesn't hold much for us. And that's okay. The point here is that closure was gained. The past was remembered, verified, cleansed, understood, and then shelved. People are hurt by the past and they don't want to remember it. Thus, they lock it away and pretend it doesn't exist anymore, until a trigger happens. Some emotional event causes the pain to surge to the forefront and we are forced to recognize it.

It's there to torture us because we didn't make peace with certain things. We washed over them, tucked them away for the greater good. We didn't want to rock any boats, upset people, make folks feel ashamed. So we shelved them, hid them, and put a security lock on its door. But the trigger blew the door off it's hinges.

See, when we open the door we approach the pain and the tragedy with empathy, grace, and the desire to make it right. But when the door is forced open, it's like a rape, a violation, a trespassing on the past. Regressions matter. They are healing. They hurt. But they heal. Time is in short supply so we hope to get to the root cause before the last sand falls. There will be tears. There will be sickness. There will be what appears to be pain. But it's called the hurt when your healing.

Ever recognize that a few days after you've cut your skin that it hurts worse than the day you first cut it? It's very similar to the hurt you feel when your soul is healing from pain. This is the growth you want. You've earned it, so claim it. Not everyone wants an understanding. They are content to leaving everything exactly where it is, fearing a single word or phrase may upset the fold.

Growth only comes when healing takes place. You've freed yourself. It's not that you did this in order to grant this person permission back into your life, as if the entire regression process was a toll they had to pay to gain reentry. No! This was for you. Not them. They still may very well be unfounded in blame. It's for you. You, who have given up the belief that the past could have been any different. Forgiveness frees you, grants you peace, so that you can grow beyond the circumstance.

chicken-less chicken sandwich

MorningStar Farms rocks! I'm sure I say that a lot. But it's true. I had a hankering for a sandwich and realized that I had MorningStar Italian Chik-n Patties in the freezer, in an unopened box, just waiting for me to dine on them. So I heated one for the appointed time, placed it on a whole wheat sandwich thin by Arnold/Brownberry, added lettuce, a slice of soy cheese, and onion with ranch salad dressing. On the side, I deep fried six onion rings. Pure Deliciousness!

rest and recover, then fire it up

Hi Everyone! The results are in. I gave my soles for Parkinson's on Oct. 1, 2011 @ approximately 10:30 a.m. We started the run with a couple laps around the 'home track' and then off we went to challenge our minds, bodies, and spirits. It was a great cause and I couldn't have been more happier with my results. I had projected 15 mins - 1st mile, 12 minutes - 2nd mile, and 10 minutes - 3rd mile. That would be a total of 37 minutes. Well, I ran my second 5K ever, in 36:30 minutes. I was smoking. The weather was cold. I didn't expect it to be any better actually. Last year, when I ran the Brooksie Way 5K, I realized that October is just not forgiving. The mornings are bitter. And this one left nothing to the imagination. I was inspired. My sister was inspired. We did our thing. My training paid off! Last years run was about an hour, 5 minutes shy. 10K's are in my future. I can feel it! 6.4 miles??? I can do it~

Remember now, I'm almost 42 and running wasn't my life until a year ago. I forgot to get on the grass and stretch. I did the same thing last year and was sore. Then the long drive...sitting. Time to rest and recover. The lower body is strong so I took the next day and worked my bottom half at the gym. Now, to rest and recover. Two days. And the 'welcome back' run today at 5.5 was like pushing a rusty wagon up a hill. LMBO! I should have started with a walk, then to an incline walk.

It's all good. I'm thinking "tin man" from the Wizard of Oz. We would make quite a pair. I will not push past the pain this year. Last year, I did that and was sidelined for a few weeks. I'm going to cut my long runs out...and apply max interval training and boot camp style cardiovascular training. The weight training days are on the climb now. YES!

This girl is about to crank up that furnace.

No, cardio isn't going anywhere. It's my staple. But the long run is about to be reset. Speed is going to fall back a bit too. No injuries...no injuries!

fifteen month photo

September '11

Here it is!  Still a work in progress.  I apologize for not taking more pictures throughout my journey, but I'm not vain.  Sure, I have all of the equipment to take pictures, I just keep my time booked with the 'doing' part and less the vanity.  I know, you're saying that I should in order to encourage others.  So this is why I took about an hour before my workout yesterday and jimmied the camera and tripod, with some really stinky lighting tricks...whallah!  There you have it.

Remember this...

June '10

cluttered home is a cluttered head

For months, I've struggled with organizing my living space.  Indeed.  It's a tiny little shoe box that I call home, but it doesn't have to look like I hate being there.  Of course I moved in, dropped anchor, and was off to care for my ailing mother.  But the time has come to get it together.  Hoarding is an illness.  After a few minutes of planning and several hours of modification, I went from a storage facility to a well maintained closet.  I still can't believe I erased the before pictures.  I really was intending on sharing with you this sad but true story.  At least you would see what depression looks like.  But now, it's officially starting to take shape.  I have order!  Thank you LORD!  Who would have thought the very thing I was determined to pitch became the best closet organizer kit ever.  With a small budget of $50 I spent 42 on two more sets.  You can do amazing things on a friendly budget.  Get Busy, Get Organized, and Get Happy!

what's grillin'?

Labor Day was not flawed by any means.  It was less donned with the trims, fanfare, and gorgeous weather, but I did make it a point to enjoy the festivities in the quiet comforts of my home.  It featured non other than MorningStar Farms Hickory BBQ Riblets.  They were tasty!!!  This is one the new vegan menu items from MSF and it passed the test.  You typically can't go wrong with MSF and then Hickory BBQ sauce?  Forget about it!

I enjoyed it with corn on the cob, coleslaw, layer salad, mac n cheese, and baked beans.  While most were working the Labor Day picnic is some truly shoddy weather, I was enjoying a bite and then some.  The meat from the riblets is very moist if you don't over cook it.

So, if you need an idea to fit into the trendy meals of carnivores?  Feeling a little slighted while folks are tearing back on some swine?  Can't help but dip your spoon into the sauce, wishing there was something for the herbivores to chew?  

Get with MorningStar Farms!  And do you know Kroger had the goodies on sale for the holiday?  Now you can't do much better than that!  Enjoy!

give your sole for Parkinson's

On October 1, 2011 I will 'give my sole' in support of the Michigan Parkinson Foundation to honor my mother, the late Georgia B. Moore who battled this disease. Please join me in support of this worthwhile cause.